God, the Spirit and Ruby

This will be tough to write, various feelings are flying around inside me right now.  I have had to struggle with who God is: I am praying to him, does he heal my Ruby?  Some things I wrote down yesterday:

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“Indeed, God calls us to battles where the deck appears stacked in favor of those who are his enemies and ours, just to increase the drama of the play. And there is the clear picture, even from God himself, that he does so to enhance his own glory.” - John Eldredge - The Sacred Romance

God could allow harm to come to my little Ruby, to enhance his own glory?  What if the harm is not temporary, is this still true?  It’s easier to stomach if it’s short term suffering, as long as it ends well.  

Is this the God I believe in?  Is this really the ‘personality of God’?
(If I am honest, this is not the God I want to believe in, but if I look at the world and the Bible, what do I find?  Am I ‘all in’?  Do I have the nuts to believe in the true God, and not the one I want him to be?)

‘As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth.  His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.’ - John 9:1-3

Do I have the nuts to believe like Job or this family?:
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;  may the name of the LORD be praised.” - Job 1:21
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th6Njr-qkq0

People are awesome, they ask, ‘What can I do?’.  First, just asking helps.  Second, we don’t know if there is really an issue yet, so it’s hard to say.  We do need prayers, we need prayers that whatever direction our current journey with Ruby takes, we stay strong in the faith.  We need prayers that we don’t bend our vision of God to fit what we think he should be.  We need prayers to love God, above all else.  And, due to my weakness, we need prayers of healing.

“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” - Mark 9:24b

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This brings us to now.  

• Yesterday we learned that the doctors had laid out a new plan.  It looks like she has arthritis, but there needs to be one last set of tests performed to rule out other options.  
• Not knowing events:  a strange bunch of men join together physically and in spirit to pray for Ruby 
• For the first time in 18 days, Ruby has no fever (on Motrin)
• I ate far too many tortilla chips, simply because they showed up on my steps
• Today, 8am, Ruby will no longer be on Motrin
• She has no fever - We monitor day by day, hold off on tests (Freaky healing)
• She has a fever - Bone marrow biopsy

So today, please pray!  I have a hundred emotions swirling inside of me right now.  (One is that we have the devil on the ropes, but that's probably coming from watching Act of Valor previews far too many times).  But, it's a big day.

God, I give you praise.  Simple because you are God and worthy of praise.  I will praise you no matter what.  I have no earthly idea how I could ever do that in some scenarios.  In fact, I don't think I could.  But I trust you would give me the strength, and you would use this group to do that.  You already have.

It's super scary God, but I trust you (well, I'm trying).

To GOD be ALL the GLORY!!!